Some Things You Can Do

Often, the teen years are difficult for everyone, not just those of us who stutter.  Our classmates and friends look for "differences" in others that they can exploit in order to tease. This is usually done to make the teaser feel better about himself or herself. Unfortunately, stuttering is usually a difference that others may tease about. How can we deal with this? Often, the best way to confront this is by letting others know that you are not bothered by your stuttering. One of the interesting things about stuttering that we often don't realize until we are older is that if we are open about our stuttering, it is often less severe and less of a problem. People often tease about stuttering because they do not understand it. They don't laugh to be cruel, they laugh because they are uncomfortable and don't know how to act. If we work to put others at ease - by acknowledging stuttering or by trying to educate other people about stuttering - they are often less likely to tease us.

Another way to make stuttering less of a problem is to not try to hide it. Often, the harder we work to try to "not stutter" the more trouble we have. If we allow ourselves to stutter openly and easily, it often puts us at ease because we are being open about it. Let's try this analogy. Suppose a friend at school had a big pimple on her face. How would you react to that? You'd probably be uncomfortable, because you wouldn't be sure if she know about the pimple, and if she did, how she felt about it. If she said something about it - "Gee, I woke up this morning with this big zit on my forehead and couldn't do anything about it!" - it would make us feel more at ease because we'd know she knew about the pimple and was comfortable about it. In the same way, if we let our listeners know that we are comfortable with our stuttering, it helps them to be more comfortable with it as well.

You may have been in therapy that has focused just on speech fluency. You've learned things like slow speech, easy onsets, stretched speech, etc. And if you are like a lot of other people who stutter you have found that those things work some of the time, like in the therapy room or when you are feeling at ease.  But a lot of the time when you really need them they don't seem to work. Why is that? To be honest, we really are not sure. But we do know one thing: stuttering varies. It is often frustrating when we can be fluent in one situation but not another, or when we are more fluent on some days than others. It helps to understand - and accept - that fluency will vary. More importantly, it is important to be patient with yourself when you are not able to be fluent. You are not doing anything wrong when your fluency breaks down. It is important to let others (maybe even your speech-language pathologist) know that the variability of stuttering is one of its hallmarks. That way, people are less likely to feel that you are just "not trying hard enough" when you are unable to be fluent all the time.

Perhaps you find that being fluent is possible, but it takes a lot of work. Sometimes you wish you just didn't have to work so hard to "hit those targets" all the time. It may not be a bad idea to give yourself a break from all that work occasionally. Perhaps when you are relaxing at home, for example, you can tell your parents that you are not going to worry about hitting those targets for 30 minutes or so, just to give yourself a rest. Don't make a habit of taking breaks too often, but if being fluent is a lot of work for you, don't feel guilty if you take a rest now and then.

Maybe your speech therapy experiences haven't been all that good. It's important not to give up on therapy. Sometimes we have to try a lot of different therapies before we find the one that works best for us. Usually when we are kids, other people tell us what is important and what to do. As we get older, it's important to have a speech-language pathologist who works with you to set goals. Rather than telling you what your goals should be, a good speech-language pathologist will problem-solve with you to set goals that meet your needs at this point in your life. Maybe, for example, you want to work on an oral presentation for class.  Or you want to practice phone calls so you can ask girls out for dates. Or you want to work on easier stuttering instead of total fluency. A good speech-language pathologist will allow you to set your own goals, because as a teen you are in a position to begin to make life decisions for yourself.

The important thing to remember is that you are not alone. Many NSA members have had experiences similar to yours and they are willing and eager to help you. You are lucky to have a resource like the NSA. Be sure to take advantage of opportunities like the NSA's annual conference and Family Voices newsletter to see how other teens have learned to deal with their stuttering and to share your own experiences.